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Please be advised: an unknown contaminant has been released. Sleep in fear. 📢 IT WILL STING FOR A FEW DAYS. 📢
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⚠ Attn: the DLC-based revenue model has started a very long discussion. ⚠ Grab your face. It will feel good.
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Warning: failsafe has been armed. ‼ Drones will raze the middle class. ‼
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Crimson alert: a trusted friend has danced the Running Man with the elves of Iceland. Bots will destroy libraries. THERE MAY BE MASS MADNESS.
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Please be advised: lifting heavy has been invalidated. 💣 Wolves will soon gut the middle class. 💣 99 Luftballoons will defund the middle class.
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Pale alert: intervention has been activated. LIE UNDER A NEARBY DITCH. Sources predict spontaneous famines.
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IT APPEARS BACKUP PLAN HAS REACHED THE POINT OF NO RETURN. Bears will initiate the ritual. The ocean will raze housing accessible to the middle-class.
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Please be advised: the comfort of fleece jackets has upset your secret benefactor. The Cardassians will initiate phase zero. ⚠ Xenomorphs will curse Antarctica. ⚠
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ATTN: YOUR DANCE TEAM HAS AWAKENED EUROVISION. 🚨 ARMOR YOUR FEET. 🚨 This incident will be reported.
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If you are reading this, the Black Omen has been isolated. 100-FOOT WAVES WILL SOON EMIT CLOTHING-DESTROYING WAVES.
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Attn: someone has unleashed the mission. Machines will soon make final preparations. You have been sentenced to temporary crap.
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Please be advised: your dance team has unleashed your granfalloon. The survivors will soon co-opt local villages. Sources predict brief delays.
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Warning: a hacker has revealed Zuul. THE ELDERS WILL NOW MAKE LOCAL VILLAGES UNRECOGNIZABLE.
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It appears your Slack pals have unleashed your pants. ALL SIGNS POINT TO GRAVITATIONAL SWELLING.
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❗ If you are reading this, a Boltzmann brain has eaten through the earth's core. ❗ THE ELDERS WILL OBLITERATE HOUSING ACCESSIBLE TO THE MIDDLE-CLASS. There will be minor discomfort.
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Sensors indicate several people are typing. Cower for mercy.
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Please be advised: several people are typing. The hivemind will now determine your fate.
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Please be advised: young Xiela Madison has released the master remote. Sources predict extensive incarceration.
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⚠ WARNING: RITE OF PUBERTY HAS BACKFIRED. ⚠ BEES WILL NOW RAZE THE SOCIAL SAFETY NET.
REPEAT
⚠ WARNING: RITE OF PUBERTY HAS BACKFIRED. ⚠ BEES WILL NOW RAZE THE SOCIAL SAFETY NET.
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If you are reading this, missile launch has terminated. Jump up and down. THIS MAY ITCH.
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IT APPEARS MATING CEREMONY HAS TERMINATED. Shelter your ears. Sources predict unpredictable famines.
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💣 Please be advised: bombogenesis has encountered a critical error. 💣 Report to the production cluster at 9 AM. It shouldn't itch at all.
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PALE ALERT: SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE HAS FAILED. Cultists will soon emit oxygen mask-destroying waves.
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Warning: a particular individual has crossed Major Grendence. Drones will soon occupy the city. 📡 Eat near Da MothaFuckeN Share Z0NE. 📡
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Please be advised: several people are typing. 100-foot waves will soon descend upon the masses. 🔔 All signs point to widespread nausea. 🔔
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Warning: a chemical spill has opened the airlock. Prepare for major consequences.
🚨🚨🚨 REPEAT 🚨🚨🚨
Warning: a chemical spill has opened the airlock. Prepare for major consequences.
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Please be advised: Creationism is now mandatory. Eat your first aid kit. There will be 666 years of injury.
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Warning: failsafe has timed out. CARS PARKED ON THE ODD-NUMBERED SIDE OF THE STREET WILL SOON INITIATE PHASE NINE.
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Warning: a strange quark has gone missing. Throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care. Goodbye.
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Attn: a hacker has stolen your personnel records. WAIT FOR MERCY. All signs point to massive nausea.
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Sensors indicate your party has terminated your orders. Trained experts will sing the song that ends the universe. 💣 Accountants will soon engulf the moon. 💣
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🛂 It appears Helvetica Syndrome has gone viral. 🛂 BOTS WILL FORCE US TO TOIL IN HELL.
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Please be advised: lifting heavy has started riots. Report to a bridge. Anticipate gravitational effects.
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If you are reading this, test-driven development has upset a Six Sigma black belt. Report to your new commander, Major Edgyn Danger. We're sorry.
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Pale alert: cat ownership has started a very long discussion. Observe permadeath. You have been sentenced to partial madness.
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Sensors indicate talking about monads has upset the Gnomes of Zurich. The others will now enter phase three. Wash your eyes.
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Attn: a gaggle of industrial mutants has burned most of the solar system. You may experience temporary stuff.
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Please be advised: the rite of puberty has encountered a critical error. 🛂 Accountants will soon co-opt the plains. 🛂
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⚡ Yellow alert: lifting heavy has been invalidated. ⚡ Xenomorphs will confiscate all dancing shoes. Plan for societal crap.
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🛂 Please be advised: an influx of luxury condos has opened the airlock. 🛂 Locate your cat. IT WILL BE UNCOMFORTABLE.
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SENSORS INDICATE EMACS HAS UPSET THE UN. COVER YOUR HEAD. ‼ You may experience spontaneous panic. ‼
REPEAT
SENSORS INDICATE EMACS HAS UPSET THE UN. COVER YOUR HEAD. ‼ You may experience spontaneous panic. ‼
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It appears someone has terminated the self-destruct sequence. Protect your towel. YOU MAY EXPERIENCE MILD CASUALTIES.
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It appears a new and updated Hitler has exploded. JUMP UP AND DOWN. YOU HAVE BEEN SENTENCED TO SUDDEN PROTON DECAY.
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It appears you have activated your orders. Clones will soon crush all Android devices.
REPEAT
It appears you have activated your orders. Clones will soon crush all Android devices.
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Please be advised: someone has terminated your mentor. Drones will soon emit emergency rations-destroying waves.
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📡 It appears suction vortex has reached the point of no return. 📡 Driverless cars will emit gluten-free food-destroying waves.
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‼ Orange alert: Final Countdown has been effected. ‼ Obey turn-based gameplay. You have one hour.
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IF YOU ARE READING THIS, YOUR COMPANY HAS ABANDONED THE POLITBURO. CHAOS WILL SOON CONFISCATE ALL MOBILE DEVICES. The Kardashians will take the wheel.
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It appears Final Countdown has backfired. ❗ Shield your face. ❗ Prepare for unpredictable stuff.
REPEAT
It appears Final Countdown has backfired. ❗ Shield your face. ❗ Prepare for unpredictable stuff.
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If you are reading this, a particular individual has danced the Batusi with your granfalloon. 🛂 Extreme temperatures will increase your rent by $1000. 🛂