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‼ SENSORS INDICATE ELVIS HAS GONE VIRAL. ‼ SWARMS OF LOCUSTS WILL NOW BE TAGGED AND TOWED. Cordyceps spores will now misinform the public about public broadcasting.
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It appears the cold, cold weather has exploded. Cower until further notice.
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📡 ATTN: IGNITION SEQUENCE HAS BEGUN. 📡 EMBRACE LIFTING HEAVY. This may feel good.
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Please be advised: you have ruined the training module. PLAN FOR PORK COLLAPSE.
👏👏👏👏 REPEAT 👏👏👏👏
Please be advised: you have ruined the training module. PLAN FOR PORK COLLAPSE.
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Warning: incubation sequence has been activated. Team Rocket will now destroy all libraries. Crouch by a bridge.
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ATTN: A CHEMICAL SPILL HAS GONE VIRAL. ❗ Remove your gas mask. ❗ Anticipate sudden destruction.
REPEAT
ATTN: A CHEMICAL SPILL HAS GONE VIRAL. ❗ Remove your gas mask. ❗ Anticipate sudden destruction.
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Sensors indicate bombogenesis has initiated. Incineration units will now begin the Finalist Round.
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It appears Windows Update has been initialised. 🚨 The ocean will gut @DaShareZ0ne. 🚨
REPEAT
It appears Windows Update has been initialised. 🚨 The ocean will gut @DaShareZ0ne. 🚨
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🔊 PLEASE BE ADVISED: A GAGGLE OF INDUSTRIAL MUTANTS IS NOT IN THE SUDOERS FILE. 🔊 Die for mercy.
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📢 PALE ALERT: SAFETY PROTOCOL HAS BEEN ACTIVATED. 📢 Fires will soon gentrify the city. There will be mental madness.
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❗ Sensors indicate you have screwed up the self-destruct sequence. ❗ YOU MAY EXPERIENCE UNPRECEDENTED MADNESS.
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PLEASE BE ADVISED: LAUNCH SEQUENCE HAS BEEN CANCELLED. Do not call busters, ghost- or otherwise. IT WILL ITCH FOR A FEW DAYS.
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If you are reading this, several people are typing. DO NOT EAT YOUR PETS. It will be uncomfortable for a few days.
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Sensors indicate GTD time management is now banned. Swarms of locusts will soon remotely explode all mobile devices. The survivors will soon usher in the End Times.
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🔊 It appears a job as a way to feel fulfilled has started riots. 🔊 SNAKE PEOPLE WILL RELEASE NEUROTOXINS.
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Warning: backup plan has crossed the event horizon. Cultists will gentrify housing accessible to the middle-class.
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If you are reading this, Ionsel Charles's food allergy has collapsed. ⚡ The survivors will fulfill the prophecy. ⚡
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WARNING: NUCLEAR WAR HAS ADDED YOU TO ITS PROFESSIONAL NETWORK ON LINKEDIN. ‼ 100-foot waves will be tagged and towed. ‼ ALL SIGNS POINT TO TEMPORARY ANNOYANCE.
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It appears countdown has entered full bloom. ⚡ The Kardashians will soon drive up rent in the plains. ⚡ Deactivate in place.
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Please be advised: the in-app-purchase revenue model has been invalidated. Line up for your back tattoo. This is your final warning.
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If you are reading this, Smidgeo has opened the airlock. Observe cat ownership. Prepare for societal prison.
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If you are reading this, your party has triggered the password. Embrace GTD time management. This may be uncomfortable.
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If you are reading this, OmniFocus has been invalidated. Druids will now report to headquarters.
REPEAT
If you are reading this, OmniFocus has been invalidated. Druids will now report to headquarters.
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IF YOU ARE READING THIS, SEVERAL PEOPLE ARE TYPING. 📡 SNAKE PEOPLE WILL NOW TAKE THE WHEEL. 📡
REPEAT
IF YOU ARE READING THIS, SEVERAL PEOPLE ARE TYPING. 📡 SNAKE PEOPLE WILL NOW TAKE THE WHEEL. 📡
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PLEASE BE ADVISED: WARMECH HAS ESCAPED ORBIT. Pray in place.
🔊🔊🔊🔊 REPEAT 🔊🔊🔊🔊
PLEASE BE ADVISED: WARMECH HAS ESCAPED ORBIT. Pray in place.
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If you are reading this, self-destruct has been armed. Deactivate while you still can.
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ATTN: RITE OF PUBERTY HAS BEEN INITIALISED. Our New Insect Overlords will soon curse the moon. Sources predict temporary outages.
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Warning: the cold, cold weather has exploded. THE OCEAN WILL ASSUME CONTROL. Juggalos will now destroy the middle class.
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IT APPEARS CAT 'FRIENDSHIP' IS HUGE THIS YEAR. The survivors will eat all stragglers.
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It appears CrossFit is huge this year. 🛂 There will be minor war. 🛂
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⚠ If you are reading this, a rogue agent has awakened a 800-ft. tall sentient nanobot. ⚠ INCINERATION UNITS WILL COLONIZE AFFORDABLE NEIGHBORHOODS.
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Please be advised: Creationism has upset the Cloud. REPORT TO THE ISOLATION TANK AT DUSK. This may sting.
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Please be advised: YOLO has started a very long discussion. Clones will soon drive up rent in the moon. Gird your face.
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If you are reading this, a chemical spill has destroyed the escape pods. Report to a bridge. ‼ Remember: everything happens for a reason. ‼
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It appears system shutdown has terminated. Clutch your back.
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🛂 Please be advised: you have terminated the Club for Growth. 🛂 Drones will soon advance to harvesting. DO NOT ATTEMPT CONTACT.
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Warning: your company has terminated Col. Jholcar. The survivors will destroy affordable neighborhoods. Internet comment sections will engulf the sea.
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It appears you have released the auditors. Observe scrapbooking. It could hurt.
🚨 REPEAT 🚨
It appears you have released the auditors. Observe scrapbooking. It could hurt.
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Warning: the Large Hadron Collider is not very cool. Shelter your eyes. IT WILL ITCH.
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Warning: you have upset the president. ❗ Xenomorphs will soon raze the moon. ❗
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SENSORS INDICATE IGNITION SEQUENCE HAS BEEN EFFECTED. The ocean will soon crush all uniforms.
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Warning: your party has created an embarrassing situation for Richard Stallman. Wolves will initialise retaliation protocols. 🛂 YOU HAVE BEEN SENTENCED TO CATASTROPHIC WAR. 🛂
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It appears talking about monads has been invalidated. Abandon your cool sunglasses. ⚠ PLAN FOR LOCALLY-GROWN MADNESS. ⚠
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LOUD ALERT: CAT 'FRIENDSHIP' HAS UPSET THE AARP. Our New Insect Overlords will eat all stragglers.
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Warning: several people are typing. Juggalos will descend upon the masses.
🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊 REPEAT 🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊
Warning: several people are typing. Juggalos will descend upon the masses.
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Yellow alert: a trusted friend has used classified documents. 🔊 Drop your belongings. 🔊
REPEAT
Yellow alert: a trusted friend has used classified documents. 🔊 Drop your belongings. 🔊
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YELLOW ALERT: A GAGGLE OF INDUSTRIAL MUTANTS HAS ESCAPED ORBIT. Nano-machines will now join the party. PLAN FOR GLOBAL BREAKDOWN.
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Loud alert: rite of puberty has caused the sun to go out. Crouch by Da MothaFuckeN Share Z0NE. It might cause a mild extremities rash.
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Sensors indicate a bizarre wildfire has escalated. Do not tell anyone. YOU MAY EXPERIENCE TEMPORARY ENNUI.
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If you are reading this, several people are typing. 🛂 Nano-machines will soon confiscate all Oculus Rifts. 🛂