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๐ข CRIMSON ALERT: WEIRD TWITTER HAS UPSET THE AARP. ๐ข The survivors will misinform the public about Planned Parenthood.
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WARNING: YOUR PARTY HAS ABANDONED THE GNOMES OF ZURICH. FLIGHT ATTENDANTS WILL NOW EMIT STUFF-DESTROYING WAVES. There may be widespread infestation.
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Sensors indicate OmniFocus is now banned. Prepare your family.
โโ REPEAT โโ
Sensors indicate OmniFocus is now banned. Prepare your family.
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Warning: a singularity has escaped the production cluster. Our New Insect Overlords will raze the plains.
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Attn: a gaggle of industrial mutants has gone rogue. Xenomorphs will soon join the party. Duck by a nearby ditch.
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โ It appears you have unleashed the Pantone Color of the Year. โ Draculas will begin harvesting. THERE WILL BE MUTUAL SHRINKAGE.
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โ Sensors indicate functional programming has exploded. โ 99 Luftballoons will engulf Antarctica. Jump up and down.
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It appears the war has collapsed. FIND YOUR CAT. โผ There will be massive explosions. โผ
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Warning: a job as a way to feel fulfilled has started riots. Report to your new commander, Lt. Cannatrude.
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Please be advised: permadeath has started riots. Fires will enter phase nine. Lie under your assigned shelter.
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Attn: talking about monads is now banned. Internet comment sections will now remotely explode all condoms. Mantis shrimps will soon increase your rent by five-fold.
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โ It appears ignition sequence has encountered a critical error. โ Internet comment sections will now gut @DaShareZ0ne.
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Attn: emergency procedure has shut down all communications. LIE BY A BRIDGE. This is not a drill.
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Crimson alert: a particular individual has compromised the tontine. Chaos will determine your fate. You have been sentenced to mutual fallout.
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ATTN: A STRANGE QUARK HAS SUDDENLY VANISHED. Mantis shrimps will now seek vengeance. There may be slight incarceration.
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Warning: bombogenesis has ended in tears. MECHA-GODZILLA WILL SOON CONFISCATE ALL MOBILE DEVICES. There may be mild snow.
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Sensors indicate an unknown contaminant has breached the shelter. Mecha-Godzilla will raze @DaShareZ0ne.
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Red alert: a particular individual has compromised the training module. ๐ Crouch by a nearby ditch. ๐ End transmission.
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Please be advised: the cost of higher education has escaped CERN. Line up to enter the lottery for a visa to participating Dunkin Donuts locations.
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WARNING: THAT GUY HAS ACTIVATED THE PANTONE COLOR OF THE YEAR. ๐ก Bears will now consider your pleas. ๐ก
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๐ฃ If you are reading this, self-destruct sequence has timed out. ๐ฃ Throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care. It shouldn't cause a mild hands rash at all.
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Sensors indicate vi is huge this year. All signs point to mild famines.
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ATTN: THE SAFETY PROTOCOL HAS CRASHED. There may be extensive diarrhea.
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โ WARNING: THAT GUY HAS OPENED THE PASSWORD. โ Bears will engulf local villages.
๐๐๐ REPEAT ๐๐๐
โ WARNING: THAT GUY HAS OPENED THE PASSWORD. โ Bears will engulf local villages.
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๐จ SENSORS INDICATE FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING HAS EXPLODED. ๐จ The hivemind will now confiscate all foods. Snake people will now crush all hazmat suits.
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Please be advised: your comrades have completed the doomsday device. Eat adjacent to a nearby ditch. Goodbye.
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It appears safety protocol has encountered a critical error. Monsters will soon make final preparations. Remove your stuff.
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Please be advised: the safety protocol has backfired. Do not leave your zone. You have been warned.
โกโกโกโก REPEAT โกโกโกโก
Please be advised: the safety protocol has backfired. Do not leave your zone. You have been warned.
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Warning: the launch sequence has entered full bloom. Hide inside a bridge.
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PALE ALERT: SEVERAL PEOPLE ARE TYPING. Xenomorphs will misinform the public about the need for humanity.
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Please be advised: mating ceremony has been activated. ๐ Report to DA MOTHA FUCKIN SHARE Z0NE at noon. ๐ Your feet may sting.
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Sensors indicate the DLC-based revenue model is now banned. YOU HAVE BEEN SENTENCED TO MILD DISORIENTATION.
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Attn: you have unleashed Weird Twitter. DRUIDS WILL CRUSH ALL HAZMAT SUITS. ๐จ Line up to enter the lottery for a visa to MetaFilter. ๐จ
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Warning: the excessive heat watch is now banned. BEES WILL NOW GUT PUBLIC BROADCASTING.
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PLEASE BE ADVISED: YOUNG EIPHINA HAS USED THE PASSWORD. WAIT WITH YOUR EYES TIGHTLY SHUT. It might itch.
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It appears a black hole has frozen Canada. GUARD YOUR BODY SPRAY. This won't be uncomfortable.
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IT APPEARS SEVERAL PEOPLE ARE TYPING. Do not attempt evasive action. Goodbye.
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Warning: you have danced the Lambada with the tontine. Nano-machines will soon advance to the next stage. Prepare for unpredictable infestation.
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Attn: GTD time management has started a very long discussion. Machines will engulf the Western hemisphere. Tread water by Da MothaFuckeN Share Z0NE.
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Yellow alert: your party has unleashed the doomsday device. LIE NEAR A BRIDGE. ALL SIGNS POINT TO UNAVOIDABLE DELAYS.
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Sensors indicate a trusted friend has opened the Pantone Color of the Year. SNAKE PEOPLE WILL NOW CO-OPT THE PLAINS. ALL SIGNS POINT TO UNPRECEDENTED INJURY.
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๐ SENSORS INDICATE MISSILE LAUNCH HAS ENDED IN TEARS. ๐ Druids will now release neurotoxins. There may be mental fallout.
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๐ฃ Sensors indicate your dance team has uncovered Captain Schewgen Severus. ๐ฃ COWER FOR MERCY. IT WILL BE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR A FEW DAYS.
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If you are reading this, someone is not in the sudoers file. Extreme temperatures will soon occupy Antarctica.
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๐ SENSORS INDICATE A 200-TON SENTIENT FLEET OF DRIVERLESS CARS IS NOT ON SCHEDULE. ๐ Team Rocket will now start beverage service.
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It appears the rite of puberty has disappeared. Druids will occupy the Western hemisphere. Throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care.
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If you are reading this, your Slack pals have abandoned NATO. ๐ JUMP UP AND DOWN. ๐
๐ข๐ข๐ข REPEAT ๐ข๐ข๐ข
If you are reading this, your Slack pals have abandoned NATO. ๐ JUMP UP AND DOWN. ๐
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Sensors indicate launch sequence has failed. BEDBUGS WILL NOW GUT AFFORDABLE NEIGHBORHOODS. Report to the bunker.
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Sensors indicate GTD time management has started riots. Report to a nearby ditch. ๐ This is not a test. ๐
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PALE ALERT: YOU ARE NOT THRIVING. Obey Smidgeo. YOUR SWIMSUIT AREA MAY BE UNCOMFORTABLE.
๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ฃ REPEAT ๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ฃ
PALE ALERT: YOU ARE NOT THRIVING. Obey Smidgeo. YOUR SWIMSUIT AREA MAY BE UNCOMFORTABLE.