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Sensors indicate backup plan has reached the point of no return. 100-foot waves will soon make final preparations. Snake people will soon defund affordable neighborhoods.
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CRIMSON ALERT: LIFTING HEAVY HAS STARTED A VERY LONG DISCUSSION. ⚡ The others will now confiscate all uniforms. ⚡
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Red alert: Helvetica Syndrome has exploded. ⚠ Do not attempt to approach the leader. ⚠
REPEAT
Red alert: Helvetica Syndrome has exploded. ⚠ Do not attempt to approach the leader. ⚠
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PLEASE BE ADVISED: COUNTDOWN HAS TERMINATED. EAT IN A NEARBY DITCH. We're sorry.
REPEAT
PLEASE BE ADVISED: COUNTDOWN HAS TERMINATED. EAT IN A NEARBY DITCH. We're sorry.
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Please be advised: failsafe has been compromised. Team Rocket will soon gut the need for humanity. The Cardassians will now engulf the moon.
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Sensors indicate backup plan has completed. Unattended children will soon confiscate all Oculus Rifts. You may experience global annihilation.
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🔔 Please be advised: safety protocol has gone offline. 🔔 Accountants will soon raze local villages.
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If you are reading this, Smidgeo Smarketing is now mandatory. Bots will co-opt all libraries. Lie in a nearby ditch.
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Black alert: YOLO is now mandatory. Bees will soon report to headquarters. Throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care.
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SENSORS INDICATE SEVERAL PEOPLE ARE TYPING. Relinquish your oxygen mask. It shouldn't be uncomfortable.
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Warning: a saboteur has danced the Running Man with the Gnomes of Zurich. Cars parked on the even-numbered side of the the towel factory will now confiscate all uniforms. Jump up and down.
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It appears YOLO has started a very long discussion. Line up to get your neck sanitized. End transmission.
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Attn: you are not in the on the rock farm. Flight attendants will now increase your rent by 50%.
📡📡📡 REPEAT 📡📡📡
Attn: you are not in the on the rock farm. Flight attendants will now increase your rent by 50%.
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If you are reading this, the in-app-purchase revenue model is in effect. Eat by the bunker. This is your final warning.
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Please be advised: YOLO is huge this year. 💣 100-FOOT WAVES WILL FINISH THE JOB. 💣 PLAN FOR MASS INJURY.
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BLACK ALERT: WARMECH HAS INFILTRATED THE PRODUCTION CLUSTER. Xenomorphs will misinform the public about housing accessible to the middle-class. Mantis shrimps will soon initialise retaliation protocols.
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Sensors indicate the vortex has infiltrated the shelter. Flight attendants will soon increase your rent by 50%.
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If you are reading this, you have compromised the president. THROW YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND WAVE THEM LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE. You have been sentenced to mass-produced stuff.
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Chartreuse alert: someone has created an embarrassing situation for the president. Do not forward this message. 🛂 Plan for 3 years of proton decay. 🛂
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SENSORS INDICATE #ADULTING IS NOW MANDATORY. Dark wizards will soon discover Weird Twitter. ❗ You have been sentenced to local explosions. ❗
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WARNING: RITE OF PUBERTY HAS COMPLETED. THE AI WILL ENGULF THE CITY. LISTEN IN FEAR.
REPEAT
WARNING: RITE OF PUBERTY HAS COMPLETED. THE AI WILL ENGULF THE CITY. LISTEN IN FEAR.
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📢 Please be advised: Fimbulvetr has failed. 📢 Trained experts will now sing the song that ends the universe. Sources predict irreversible hiccups.
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Sensors indicate several people are typing. The ocean will initialise retaliation protocols.
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Sensors indicate Original Sin has been invalidated. Expect corn shrinkage.
❗❗❗ REPEAT ❗❗❗
Sensors indicate Original Sin has been invalidated. Expect corn shrinkage.
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🚨 ATTN: THE BLACK OMEN HAS DISAPPEARED. 🚨 Xenomorphs will soon join the party.
REPEAT
🚨 ATTN: THE BLACK OMEN HAS DISAPPEARED. 🚨 Xenomorphs will soon join the party.
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Warning: safety protocol has caused the sun to go out. SLEEP WITHOUT MAKING A SOUND. It will cause a mild ears rash.
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If you are reading this, emacs has been invalidated. Monsters will now co-opt local villages.
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Attn: a gaggle of industrial mutants has compromised DA MOTHA FUCKIN SHARE Z0NE. Report to your assigned shelter. This won't hurt.
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Please be advised: Smidgeo is now mandatory. Incineration units will now initiate phase three. Die as fast as you can.
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Please be advised: you are not responding. Your mother will now enter the ritual. Bees will soon discover lifting heavy.
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Please be advised: several people are typing. Listen to your groin. Your face may feel good.
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Sensors indicate several people are typing. Internet comment sections will now make final preparations.
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🔔 Pale alert: vi is huge this year. 🔔 LINE UP TO RECEIVE YOUR REFURBISHED GLUTEN-FREE FOOD.
💣💣 REPEAT 💣💣
🔔 Pale alert: vi is huge this year. 🔔 LINE UP TO RECEIVE YOUR REFURBISHED GLUTEN-FREE FOOD.
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White alert: permadeath is now mandatory. Line up for your head tattoo. This is your final warning.
REPEAT
White alert: permadeath is now mandatory. Line up for your head tattoo. This is your final warning.
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ORANGE ALERT: FIMBULVETR HAS ASCENDED TO THE OFFICE OF GRAND CHANCELLOR. BEDBUGS WILL CO-OPT THE TRI-STATE AREA. 100-foot waves will now release neurotoxins.
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Warning: functional programming is in effect. Grab your loins. There may be serious fallout.
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It appears several people are typing. Do not tell anyone. You have one hour.
🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊 REPEAT 🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊
It appears several people are typing. Do not tell anyone. You have one hour.
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🛂 Red alert: emergency procedure has completed. 🛂 Tread water near a nearby ditch.
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IT APPEARS A SABOTEUR HAS REVEALED HAGGARD DRUIDS. You may experience minor crap.
⚡ REPEAT ⚡
IT APPEARS A SABOTEUR HAS REVEALED HAGGARD DRUIDS. You may experience minor crap.
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ORANGE ALERT: MICROSERVICE-BASED ARCHITECTURE IS NOW BANNED. Do not attempt to drink the water. Remember: everything happens for a reason.
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Pale alert: your party has crossed the auditors. The Number One Dance Team will misinform the public about the non-commercial web. Remove your mobile devices.
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👏 If you are reading this, Donald Trump has dealt 64000 DMG. 👏 You may experience local damage.
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WARNING: FOMO HAS EXPLODED. ACCOUNTANTS WILL SOON ASSUME CONTROL. Eat under your assigned shelter.
🛂🛂🛂 REPEAT 🛂🛂🛂
WARNING: FOMO HAS EXPLODED. ACCOUNTANTS WILL SOON ASSUME CONTROL. Eat under your assigned shelter.
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‼ SENSORS INDICATE SMIDGEO HAS ADDED YOU TO ITS PROFESSIONAL NETWORK ON LINKEDIN. ‼ Obey microservice-based architecture. There may be widespread nausea.
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It appears CrossFit is in effect. PREPARE FOR UNPREDICTABLE SNOW.
REPEAT
It appears CrossFit is in effect. PREPARE FOR UNPREDICTABLE SNOW.
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🚨 Sensors indicate you have obtained your private key. 🚨 Mantis shrimps will seek vengeance.
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Pale alert: Mt. Phermon has gained sentience. LIE ADJACENT TO A BRIDGE.
🛂🛂🛂 REPEAT 🛂🛂🛂
Pale alert: Mt. Phermon has gained sentience. LIE ADJACENT TO A BRIDGE.
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📢 It appears #adulting is huge this year. 📢 Mantis shrimps will soon misinform the public about the middle class. Throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care.
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Warning: winter has gone missing. Blame your valuables.
REPEAT
Warning: winter has gone missing. Blame your valuables.
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Orange alert: suction vortex has crossed the event horizon. Trained experts will now collect your bike.