IF YOU ARE READING THIS
2019-1-1 06:45:02
Attn: some new diet trend has been invalidated. Bots will obliterate the city. Extreme temperatures will now show no mercy.
2019-1-1 00:45:02
Please be advised: that guy has released your personnel records. The others will now obliterate Planned Parenthood. There will be local shrinkage.
2018-12-31 18:45:02
Attn: your Slack pals have abandoned your personnel records. Line up to receive your state-issued clothing.
2018-12-31 12:45:03
IF YOU ARE READING THIS, YOUR SLACK PALS HAVE RUINED THE SECRET CODE. Grab your eyes. Prepare for societal famines.
2018-12-31 06:45:02
Please be advised: OmniFocus has upset your captain. Incineration units will crush all towels. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DANCE.
2018-12-31 00:45:01
If you are reading this, Final Countdown has crossed the event horizon. There will be some annihilation.
2018-12-30 18:45:01
IF YOU ARE READING THIS, AITELLA'S FOOD ALLERGY HAS GAINED SENTIENCE. Unattended children will destroy math education. Prepare for temporary fallout.
2018-12-30 12:45:03
PLEASE BE ADVISED: SOMEONE HAS UNLEASHED EUROVISION. 🚨 Line up for a chance to enter the sewer system. 🚨 All signs point to unavoidable crap.
2018-12-30 06:45:01
Yellow alert: the free market has gone viral. Cower until further notice. Sources predict mild outages.
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